Question: When someone tells you that you look like you’ve lost weight, is it a compliment or an insult?

Or is it possible that it’s a relatively neutral assessment of things?

I tend to think it’s usually a compliment, but it’s pretty back-handed. The subtext of “Have you lost weight?” is “You look lighter now.” Which means you were heavier before.” Is that something you really want to be pointing out to someone? How is a person supposed to respond to that? What if you haven’t lost weight and people think you did? Do you or do you not seem fatter now than you were before? WTF?

We’re all sensitive about our weight; example, I just spent an evening at a potluck with a bunch of wonderful people and without exception every woman either apologized for the amount (at either extreme) they were eating, or bemoaned the size of her clothes/gut/butt/thighs.

We are so obsessed with our bodies. We really need to find better things to do with our time.

But back to my question: is “Have you lost weight?” a positive or a negative statement? I suspect it’s both. I think it’s someone’s not so subtle way of saying, “You look lighter” which really means “better.” But what does that imply about the complimenter’s view of you previously? Doesn’t it make you wonder if they always thought you were fat? Hell, most women think they’re fat even when they aren’t. It’s a social disease.

A corollary to this is the “You look tired” statement. How, exactly, is that helpful? I look tired because I am tired. If I didn’t feel tired, I do now, after you tell me that’s how I look. It’s just not a useful thing to tell someone. I know I’m freakin’ tired. I have a mirror. I am aware.

What the person is saying is “You look like hell” but with a modicum of tact; it’s much ruder to say “ You look like a sack of shit” than “You look tired.” But the thing is, when you’re tired, you DO look like a sack of shit. So it’s kind of the same thing, in a way. Makes you think, eh?

And frankly, I’ve looked tired since the day I gave birth. And those Samsonite bags under my eyes aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. So people are constantly saying, “You look tired” to which I wittily reply “I am tired.” I slay with my rapier wit.

But for the record, I haven’t lost weight. And I am tired. So good night.