Complaint: Clicking

What is it about some people, that you meet them and you just don’t click? Try as you might, sometimes things just don’t gel/mesh/insert your favorite verb/image here between two people. You may want or need to be at least compatible with a person, but you just aren’t.

And it’s increasingly difficult to solve the complex mathematical problem of optimal compatibility between two to four children and two adults. It’s kind of a Venn diagram nightmare, with everyone’s subtle emotions spilling over on other people, along with everyone’s specific opinion of everyone else (which, natch, is subject to change on a dime).

Of course I’m talking (complaining) about the ubiquitous playdate.

There are moms you like and there are kids you like. And if you’re lucky, they’re from the same family. But what do you if you and the parent in question have NOTHING to say to each other, but the kids are in love?

Suck it up, right? You can't force a friendship. But you can be pleasant.

I just wonder why some people really send off such negative vibes; it makes me wonder if I do that, too. I know I do when I’m in a bad mood. I'm talking more about the essence of a person; we give soemthing off, and though it varies, there's a general flavor to it.

What happens when you're thrown into a social situation where you hardly know anyone, and you get seated next to someone you just don’t like that much? Or maybe it isn’t like: it’s feel an affinity with.

Personally, I don’t care who you are as long as you laugh at my jokes and don’t insult me; then we’re good. So what is it about some people that you just can’t get a read on them or a smile out of them? Is the default to confusion antipathy? Do we just dislike someone because of what they say, or the way they say it? Or is it more what they don’t say?

Years ago, a female family member was dating a prominent academic and the few times we spent together, I was struck by how very asocial he seemed to be. He wouldn’t look you in the eye or greet you. The only person he really talked to was his girlfriend (your sibling) and he seemed condescending and self-involved. He was horrible to waitstaff in restaurants. That’s a very quick and easy way to measure someone’s character: watch how they treat people who serve them something.

Sometimes, I think I don’t like someone because they’re either not at all like me, so there’s no visible common ground; other times, I think it’s because I see aspects of myself in them that I don’t really want to own up to. Who wants a mirror held up to your lamest attributes?

Some people believe in auras and chakras, and other assorted ways of studying a person. I’m not out there in New Agedom, but I do think people give off individual and specific vibes. Of course these vary; but there is an underlying vibe, I think, in every person. And I think sometimes the two vibes of two people meet each other in the middle and say, “Eh, not a good fit.”

And that’s okay. Usually. I’m definitely in the puppy school of socialization: love me, pay attention to me, listen to me bark and show you my tricks. But not everyone likes that; not everyone likes me. And I don’t like everyone, though I hope I give everyone as much compassion as I can (ideally).

So how do you deal with someone when your vibes are incompatible?

I guess it comes done to what I keep telling my kids, “You don’t have to be everyone’s friend; you just have to be kind to everyone.”