Why is it so easy to set boundaries with groups of children, but not with grown ups?
You'd think the grown-ups would be easier. They're more reasonable and allegedly more mature.
I just went outside twice in the last half hour and read the riot act to the neighborhood kids who were doing stupid and dangerous things on our lawn. I had been alerted by my generally rule-abiding daughter. I had no hesitation to scare the crap out of them and warn them if they didn't shape up, they couldn't come over.
NOBODY else on my street talks to kids that way.
Now let me say, I love kids, and not just my own. I do not want anything bad to happen to any of them. Which is why I was yelling the first place. I happened to read about the tragic death recently of an Emerson undergrad who fell off a roof to his death while making a film. Horrible.
So when I saw three little girls hanging carelessly over the edge of our raised (and I mean RAISED) back deck, I knocked down a chair and a music player to get out the door and raise holy hell in order to stop them.
Anyway, that kind of thing is a no-brainer. Keep safe, be nice, rock on. Pretty simple.
But when it comes to dealing with adults...it's so much harder to stand up for yourself. It's been called to my attention on more than one occasion in my life that I am "too nice". That I "give away my power" and try to please people more than myself. Sadly, this is true.
I can't get airlines to give me vouchers in a situation where they would if you asked the right way. I can't get hotels to give me deals when the person right in front of me gets one. I don't know how to be demanding or forceful with other adults. I often apologize in a veiled or overt way when I do something, ANYTHING. Like I need permission to take a whiz. Honestly.
This is something I really need to work on. I believe this is a chronic condition in many, many women. I need to take action.
Because I feel like if I don't, one day I will just blow a gasket in an inappropriate situation and wreak havoc unnecessarily.
I'd like to learn to say what I think and fell WITHOUT APOLOGY, CAVEATS or ENDLESS PARAGRAPHS of JUSTIFICATION. Which is what I do now.
I'll let you know how it's going.
Is that okay with you? (Yes, I'm aware of the irony here.)
This Bud's for Bud
5 months ago