Complaint: Assemblies in Purgatory

I was subbing at my kids’ school today (not in their actual classes, though), and we all had to sit through a pretty dull assembly. It really took me back to my days as a kid in school, when assemblies were such a big deal because you missed “real school”. But none of them really stand out to me now. I just remember being glad I wasn’t in class.

I imagine the students who watched this program will soon forget about the one they saw today, too.

Don’t get me wrong, this quartet of Andean musicians was technically gifted. And they’re probably really nice people.

But they weren’t really interactive, or dynamic, and they were aimed at a slightly older audience than elementary-aged kids. As I listened to their probably rehearsed patter, I thought, damn, people, shake things up, be dramatic, have some fun with this! It was like watching a boring lesson accompanied by music.

I was really impressed with the way all the kids handled it. It was an HOUR. That’s LONG for preschoolers and Ks and 1s for that matter. My four year old daughter apparently said to her teacher, “At the beginning this was fun, but now it’s boring.” Sadly, I agree.

This group of musicians, who I don’t think ever actually mentioned their band's name, was brought to us by an arts education program. On paper I imagine this looked great. Cultural awareness, fun and different instruments, singing other languages.

But in reality? Meh.

The worst part was they had all these rhythm instruments lying on the edge of the stage from the very beginning of the show, and they waited UNTIL THE LAST SONG to invite up kids to play them. By the time the selected kids got up on stage to shake their tambourines, they were done. Even they looked bored.

Everyone was pretty polite. But I was bored too, and I hate to say that about anything artistic. The performers did not have stage presence, and if you don’t have that, how do you get anyone to pay attention to you when you perform?

As for the rest of the day, I had to teach third graders in a computer class with a lesson plan missing vital components RIGHT AFTER THEY HAD SAT THROUGH AN HOUR OF PAN FLUTE and that cute little instrument that looks like the love child of a mandolin and a ukulele.

Third graders are energetic at the best of times. These kids were OFF the wall. So we played an improv game I quickly thought up and we managed to keep from going right off the rails.

But I’ve learned some things today. The assembly WAS educational: too much Andean music wears a person out, and NEVER SUB on an ASSEMBLY DAY. Unless you are fresh out of teacher’s college and have no children of your own.