Complaint: Oh, this is gonna be GOOD.

Okay, so I'm working hard subbing for kids aged three to 14, and I'm enjoying it.

But I'm subbing.

And subbing is, by its very nature, exhausting and ephemeral.

Sure, the kids know me now, since I've been at the same school since last September, but I'm not the classroom teacher. And classroom teachers have what I don't have: routines.

By virtue of my ever-changing role, I don't get to have routines. Plus, I don't get to decide what to teach. It's (hopefully) decided for me.

Every time I walk into a class, I have to immediately don the mantle of the expert, whether I know anything or not. Good thing I have a background in theatre, that's all I can say.

Today I had to do points, rays and line segments. This, I could handle.

But tomorrow? Word problems.

I don't DO word problems.

I don't LIKE word problems.

I used to regurarly hurl my GRE test prep manual at the wall when I had to do word problems in anticipation of the dreaded analytical section. (Don't get me started on the analytical section. I. had. a. bad. experience.)

So I'm going to need some tutoring tonight in order to do my job tomorrow.

This is actually a good thing, though, because in addition to learning be fun, and all that crap, I NEED to learn this stuff.

Why? Because I have to take more tests in order to prove that I'm a teacher. Apparently my credentials from two other states in this country are not sufficient for my current state of residence.

So I am going to have to take math tests. And math classes. And, according to the letter I just got today from the state department of education, subject matter tests in my areas of expertise, since, again, two states' worth of credentials and testing don't mean squat here.

I'm feeling rather bilious at the moment. I wonder if THAT word will be on my test.

Why am I doing this?

To keep my options open.

I want to get my credential so I can have the option of searching fruitlessly for a teaching job in a state with a teacher shortage and draconian as well as prehistoric job regulations.

Why can't I teach, dammit?

Oh wait. I am teaching. It's just something different every day.

I shouldn't complain. (But oh, how I love to, sometimes.)

I'm with kids, I'm teaching, but I have no control.

And that's what's irritating me.

Because, after all, aren't we all searching for at minimum the illusion of control? I know we don't have it, but humor me, would you please?

All I want is a little control. And she wouldn't give to me. Just a little control, and she wouldn't give it to me.

The life of a sub is always intense.