Complaint: Fear of a Blank Page

How is it that I am one of the more loquacious people I know, and yet when it comes time to write my blog these days, I'm out of ideas?

Is it because I'm working more, and am thus more tired? Wouldn't there be MORE to kvetch about with my relatively recent exposure to way more people after being in semi-hiding raising small children lo these many years?

You'd think yes, but actually, no.

I'm a lot happier overall now that I'm working more and looking for yet more work. I do have a challenge, though; I don't want to say no to anything. I promised I'd help my friend with a big project that is mostly over my head: two days ago, I had a hormonal meltdown that included (but was not limited to) feeling like I had too much to do and didn't know what the hell I was doing.

I believe that's called "Impostor Syndrome."

You know what I'm talking about, don't you? That feeling that somehow, in some way, everyone will figure out that you're a total fraud, and that in spite of any competent and pleasant facade you wear, underneath, you are a seething mass of need, insecurity and incompetence.

Or maybe that's just me.

So I'm kind of needing to tread lightly; I want to do lots and lots of things, now that my kids are in school full time and I'm back on the market, so to speak. But I can't do everything. And I'm a little shaky at the moment.

This crisis of confidence will eventually fade, I hope. I think it will.

But when you've been out of the game for six plus years, it's understandable that when you step back in, you might have forgotten some of the rules.