Comment: It’s official. I’m a working mother.

I may not “go to work” every day, but I do some days now, and that counts.

Isn’t it sad that I need my work to count only if it’s outside my house? What is wrong with society that motherhood is not revered as an absolute calling and profession worthy of admiration? Does it need to become a paid position to get any credibility in the straight world?

I’m continuing reading Kristin Maschka’s book, “This is Not How I Thought it Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today.” She talks about ambition, and gives the best definition I’ve ever heard.

She says, ambition is the desire to become really good at something, AND to have recognition by the outside world that you’re really good at that something.

This is why motherhood is so thankless. Because NOBODY recognizes that you are doing a good job. You’re NEVER going to be an expert. Your kids will develop neuroses no matter what you do and other people will judge you harshly no matter how hard you try.

So it’s hard to be ambitious in the mothering profession because there is no recognition of achievement and there are no standards or practices or licenses, thus nullifying it as a profession in the first place. Oh yeah, and no paycheck.

Why don’t mothers get social security?

There is a lot to be angry about, in terms of how mothers are marginalized, taken for granted and/or ignored. But complaining about it isn’t going to help. The prescription is action. And that’s what Maschka’s book is all about.

She encourages the reader to challenge his/her own assumptions, or "mental maps" of what mothers are and what they do, what fathers are and what they do, and so on. Challenging deep-seated assumptions is the first step to undoing them.

For example, I knew I would stay home full time to raise my kids when they were small. Now that they are about small to medium, I am salivating to get back to external paid work, if only part time. I've just started and I love it. But of course, I have to figure out how to juggle all the family and house work I do now PLUS the additional number of hours being taken up by a job.

I assume it’s all on me to take care of everything, and to protect my husband and his career.

What if we challenged this assumption?

I’m no fool; I know my husband’s earning power happens to be much higher than mine. But there have to be ways to make our lives as parents and professionals work TOGETHER.

So I will keep reading, and reimagining how family and work lives can coexist.





(No, there's no punchline here. Admit it, you were waiting for a sarcastic quip, or a witty barb to end this. Not tonight.)