Complaint: I hate video conferencing.

I really do.

And I finally figured out why.

I want it to be more than it is.

When my kids and I do Tokbox or Skype with their dad who's on the other side of the country, it's not fun, it’s just...chaos. There’s reverb up the yin-yang, the kids are doing fourteen different activities simultaneously, and that kitchen is not cleaning itself while I hover over my kids being a bossy pain in the ass not contributing positively to the non-conversation. But the kids seem to love it, so that counts for something, of course.

But, see, I imagined this month-long separation from my husband being mitigated by lovely early evening video chats, along with IMs and the occasional phone call. It was going to be just like being together!

The reality? Not so much.

It’s not for lack of trying. Everyone involved is giving 100% effort.

But technology, as fabulous as it is, just doesn’t cut it compared to real, live, interaction.

We become one-dimensional on video, and my character is one big-ass shrew. I don’t like that the only thing I do when I talk to my husband is complain or boss my kids around.

As I said in my post about chicken nuggets and remorse, that is not the person I want to be.

I’m finding it difficult to be the person I want to be.

When one is under pressure, one realizes how fragile one’s perception of oneself as a cheerful, bubbly, (slightly hyper) gal who tries to roll with the punches really is.

Anyway, I can’t blame technology for my personality defects.

But wouldn’t it be great if I could?