Comment: Managing Expectations

I had a profound thought today: because I was noticing how absolutely delightful, helpful and loving I am being to my sister's dog, (he is very easy to love) and then I realized that I'm not being as loving and delightful and helpful to the other people living with me.

I mean, how is it that I feel irritated and put upon when my daughter asks me to help her wipe her butt, and yet I cheerfully carry around bags of Max's poop with nary a sigh or complaint?

I figured it out: expectations.

Because I expect my five-year old daughter to not need my help in the bathroom, I get mildly irritated when she does. Because I expect my husband to take out the overflowing compost to the composter because the dead food totally grosses me out day after day, I get irritated when he doesn't.

What do I expect of Max the dog? Nothing but companionship. I don't expect him to clean up after himself, or express his innermost feelings, or have a temper tantrum, or tell me witty anecdotes, or listen to my complaining and give a proper response, or make his bed, or buy his own food, bus his own plate, or clean up his own shit, literal and figurative.

So I don't have high behavioral expectations of him: I don't expect him to read my mind.

And it dawned on me today as I ran (with the dog as my companion, natch) that I really shouldn't expect ANYONE to read my mind. Ever.

I mean, it's not fair. To assume that people will do what you want them to do without some prior discussion is kind of crazy, really.

I have all of these artificial expectations of my family members, and if they fail to meet them, I'm annoyed or let down. Guess what? The same is probably true in reverse: I'm not the only person to have expectations, so I'm also a person who lets people down without even knowing it. A good part of the time, I'd wager.

I find this slightly depressing, but also slight liberating: if I can drop my expectations and just expect pure companionship from my loved ones, that should absolutely be enough. I need to cut the people I love as much slack as I cut the dog I love.

I mean, it's only fair.