Honestly, it's such a relief to sit still. I'm a hummingbird 24/7, so it's enormously nice to sit and breathe deeply. It's very calming.
Sure, I still have major monkey mind. And for two weeks running I had to pee pretty much the whole time I was there. Tonight, for a change, I didn't have to pee, but my belly was a little more active than I'd wished. If it's not one thing, it's another.
But our teacher tells us that we should zoom in on discomfort (he's more eloquent than that, he did NOT say "zoom") and focus on it, and lo and behold, SOME of the time, it will disappear. He talks about our resistance to pain, and our resentment of pain.
And I thought, you know, when my kids are climbing on me and we bump heads or they elbow me accidentally and I'm in a good mood, I don't find the pain so bad. It's there, then it passes. But when I'm in a lousy mood and somebody marches across my stomach, the bad words and feelings emerge, and the pain lingers.
So I think we're on to something here.
I'm not saying I can control my pain or discomfort. I can't. Right now my ear hurts because I wore a dangly earring today for too long. (Vanity!) But instead of being irritated by it, I just notice that it's hurting, and then I move on.
It's also lovely to be in the presence of someone spiritual whom I do not find to be what I perceive as a whack job. Our teacher, Bhante, is a Buddhist monk who is currently working on his PhD in religious studies. He is calm, kind, and sane. Everybody in the class feels better just being near him. And he has perfect teeth. I don't think that matters in Buddhism, but when he smiles everybody feels happy. And at the end of the sessions, he sings in Pali. It's so cool. He is sensible, rational and helpful. I respect him.
You know, I haven't had a positive spiritual/psychological group experience, like, ever.
So this is very nice.
Even if my ear still does hurt right now.
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