Comment: On Groundlessness, Again

I just got back from a glorious vacation where virtually my every whim was satisfied.

No wonder I'm a little grouchy now that I'm home.

It's back the grind, so to speak.

But what if that grind is all ass-backwards?

I'm having a hard time with the concept of my working while my husband does not. There's nothing wrong with it, it's nothing to fuss over, but our whole world order is, for the very short term, reversed. And it hasn't been this way, like, ever. (Unless you count grad school, which I don't. Because that was indentured servitude. But I digress.)

I know my husband will get a big fat job soon, and will be busy and unavailable. And I'll complain here, no doubt. He will disappear and I will lament the fact. I must seize the day.

But there is a LOT to be said for routines. And when you're not working, you don't have routines. So we are kind of two amorphouse blobs, floating around the house in search of an anchor of some sort.

My very part-time job starts a teeny bit this week, but kicks in at full throttle (half-time) next week.

I have to admit to being terrified, anxious, and excited.

I haven't worked at a job where I wasn't a sub in over seven years.

I'm a little bit nervous.

But I also know that to have outside validation of my life, as opposed to the sort of default, "Mom will deal with it" kind of mode I'm in 98% of the time, will feel great.

It just feels weird to be leaving my husband at home.

I want to appreciate this time. But I feel so off kilter.

How do you lean into the awkwardness, allow yourself to feel utterly groundless?

Should I be meditating? I'm sure I should be meditating.

Or something.

Any suggestions?