Question: Why do I eat and rue?

I’ve just finished eating myself stupid at Marble Slab Creamery and now I’m regretting it. This is the type of shame spiral that seems endemic to our super-sized and wealthy culture.

Okay maybe now we’re just super-sized; nobody’s wealthy anymore.

The whole system is bollixed, but all we can do right now is wait and see how many more damn shoes are going to drop.

Back to the ice cream. I ate every drop I had. Sure, I was hungry, and it was kid-sized, but in this country kid-sized is freaking huge. No wonder obesity is on the rise.

After eating it, I feel remorse and guilt. And I ate it with my mother-in-law who swore she wasn’t going to have anything, had something, and is now also ruing it.

What is wrong with us? By us, I mean most women I know and love? Why can’t we just EAT?

Instead, we eat, then we feel guilty; those who are truly troubled make themselves physically ill to remove the traces of their guilt. It’s a hideous cycle empowered by all the stick thin child-women who populate our screens everywhere we turn.

Awhile back Kate Winslet was “accused” of getting fat. Are you kidding me? There’s no fat on her. She’s got curves and she’s gorgeous. Why are we buying this? Because we are, sadly, buying it hook, line and sinker.

The guilt is pervasive. Even though I don’t watch network TV (except Lost, I’m not made of stone) I’m still barraged by magazines, online articles and pictures, and the obsessive people all around me trying to control their urge to stick their faces in their pint of Ben and Jerry’s and inhale.

The most soothing things to me are running and eating. So if I can’t run, I eat. Mostly chocolate, or ice cream. I’m not definitionally overweight, but I obsess about my muffin top and watch gravity take its toll as I age and agonize over the things I put in my mouth.

Why can’t I just enjoy my damn Chunky Monkey?

I want to.

But I can’t seem to shake the guilt.

I’m raising two kids, one of whom is a girl. How do I teach her to eat healthily and without guilt when I can’t manage yet?