Comment: Tangled up in Blue

Well, it looks like we've found ourselves a family hobby: painting.

Painting the interior rooms of our house, that is. We are in the process of painting our living room blue, which is a cheerful and lovely replacement to its former color, which resembles two-day-old guacamole. So we enjoy painting together. That's revelation number one.

At one point today, every single family member was painting AT THE SAME TIME. Now granted, that didn't last long. My son lost interest and was immediately sucked into the tantalizing vortex of his computer. My daughter actually stuck it out, so to speak, for quite some time. And with only minimal drips on the baseboards and floors. Did you know that a damp rag takes the paint right off? (And it's such low odor paint. My, how times have changed.)

Which led us to revelation number two: my husband and I fuss WAY TOO MUCH. You probably already know that about me, given the massive quantity of capital letters and italics I use. And my husband made the point that we are probably a stronger couple (or a couple at all) BECAUSE we both fuss so much.

He said he "can be more charitable" towards a fuss given the fact that he is also a fusser himself. Revelation number three.

Some families go to amusement parks, some families go camping. All our family needs is a local home depot.

And lots of damps rags.

Comment: Let the Frustrating Times Roll!

I was reminded today, as I watched my children attempting to use a slip n' slide, that sometimes you have to be really frustrated with an activity before you can enjoy it. Insert smart-assed comment here.

My children marched along the wet, slippery surface and were understandably irritated when they reached the end without sliding.

They've never seen a slip n' slide commercial, so they have no model for this, thus compounding the dilemma.

I tried to coach them, talk them through it. But then again, I've never slip n' slid in the summer either. I'm from Canada. You slip n' slide all winter so who wants to do it when it's hot?

After much gnashing of teeth and my pathetic coaching attempts, it finally took the older neighbor girl and her friend to SHOW my kids how to throw yourself on your knees and really slide across that sucker.

Ahh, bliss. Slipping AND sliding. Who knew something simple could be initially so irritating, and then so fun?

Insert other smart-assed remark here.

Complaint: Get a Life

In keeping with the whole living-virtually-versus-actually-living riff I'm on, I'd like to give shout-outs to Wii for making you pretend to play a sport, Guitar Hero for making you pretend you're a musician but not really teaching you anything, to Tap Farm for reducing a complex and vital industry to a few flicks of the finger, and to all the other games and systems that require moderate to strong hand-eye coordination and zero imagination.

And let's not forget going to see your kids perform and spending the entire time behind a viewfinder as you attempt to record what you're too busy focusing on to actually witness.

Put the video games away and go outside and play, FFS! Where I live, if the sun is shining for more than thirty seconds at a time, you'd best get your butt out there and enjoy it before it rains again.

And when it does rain, how about a book? If you don't feel like reading, they make great walls and forts.

Use your imagination, if you still have one.

Question: What is up with TAP FARM?

So my kids and husband are all into this game that's on his iPhone. Tap Farm is a virtual farming utility that allows you to sow and reap fruits and vegetables on a teeny tiny screen. I believe coins are also involved, virtual, natch.

Meanwhile, as they're engrossed in said activity, we are driving by REAL farms with REAL animals and REAL produce.

Hello?

Question: Are We All Destined to Mellow as We Age?

I mean, if even twentysomething M.I.A. is mellowing, what hope is there for Generation X?

I'm not talking about her "Born Free" video, which I have deliberately not watched, because I don't like violence. I appreciate M.I.A. for her fierce spirit and her fearless provocative work, so I don't need to be reminded of it by watching a video that is obviously trying to make a point, but one that I already get.

It's just that I just downloaded her newest single, "XXXO" and, message notwithstanding (the anomie of texty relationships), it's so.....tame... lame...the same...as everyone else.

She used to really kick ass in a progressive sense, but now that she's had a kid and hit her midtwenties, she's...singing?

What the what?

What does SINGING have to do with M.I.A.?

She's a freestylie rapper chick. The singing was always incidental. What's up with the singing?

Anywho, I'm just feeling slighlty dispirited because if even M.I.A. is going for the status quo, where does that leave the rest of geezahs?

Damn.

Complaint: Rejection Stings

How do you turn that frown upside down when you find out you've been rejected for something you wanted to do, but the people rejecting you didn't have the moxie to tell you personally?

Because rejection is not easy for anyone, and it's even nastier when you hear about it second hand.

It's nothing tragic or anything. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Self-indulgent, I know.

And my husband's advice to not take it personally is sound and reasonable.

But who said feelings were sound and reasonable? Intellectually, I've got it. Mentally, I feel like I just got stood up on the fourth or fifth date. Here I was thinking things were going along so well with this organization, and then, nothing. Not even a blow off email.

Oh well. It should spur me on to more productive and focused action elsewhere. And if you don't get a job or a gig because something else was better, so what? Somebody somewhere thinks enough of me to hire me to teach; I actually already have two jobs. And of course I could always go back to school (again) to get more credentialed than I already am. But that doesn't sound appealing.

I have these skills, and a great diversity of experience, but that works both for and against me: I'm versatile and experienced, yes, but I'm also specifically for trained for less things than I can competently do. How do you convince someone of your effectiveness without a piece of paper to prove it?

And I'm not short on pieces of paper from higher institutions.

Is the answer more school, or better marketing? I fear it may be the latter.

Which is a challenge, because I've been programmed to believe that marketing is evil.

But selling your skills so you can make a living isn't evil. Personal/professional marketing is okay; vital, I guess, when you get right down to it. Yikes.

It's the selling snow to Inuit marketing that's offensive.

Okay, we've got that cleared up.

Now I just need to pick up my slightly battered ego and find something else to put my energy into.

Good thing I'm so plucky and eclectic.

Complaint: No Fun for the Whole Family

What is wrong with us?

Seriously.

Our family has been handed the togetherness opportunity of a lifetime with a severance package and a summer break coinciding, and we can't hold it together to go on a damn picnic.

Let me backtrack.

My husband and I have noticed that, as a family, we aren't very good at having fun, unless there's food involved. Then, all's right with the world.

But going to a movie? Too loud and seizure-inducing.

To an amusement park? Too many people, and too expensive.

To an edumacational, kid-friendly museum? Kids like it for awhile but Mom and Dad are couting the ceiling tiles within five minutes. And too expensive.

Camping? Lord, no. We learned today that we can't even FLIRT with the idea of camping as a family.

We took a meandering drive in the rural countryside (try teaching that word to small children, they can't pronounce it) to an alleged state park.

When we arrived, there was no state park. There was a road. A very muddy road. A very muddy, buggy road. Full also of green and itchy plants that repeatedly got in our way. We were going to have a snack on a blanket (a snacknic) and everything, but we never made it.

Tears, gnashing of teeth, mild cursing, and massive whining ensued. Mostly these came from one person, but to be fair, there were complaints from everyone except the patriarch, who clearly is more of an outdoorsy kind of person than the rest of the family combined.

As we drove home today, munching our snacknic in the relative peace and air-conditioned comfort of our car, my husband and I mused aloud, why can't we have FUN as a family? WHAT is our problem? (What do we want? Serenity! When do we want it? Now, damn it!)

Are we just a bunch of misanthropes? Or are we setting the bar too high? My husband and I know how to have a LOT of fun together, but it's nothing we'd do with the kids around. Still, you'd think we could find some activity that all four of us could do with relative satisfaction.

We all do enjoy reading. Yes, we're cutting edge. I see that now.

We love to drive somewhere new, eat at a restaurant we've never been to, drive home, read, and go our separate ways for the day.

Is that so wrong?

All this fun for the whole family bullshit? It's over-rated. Fun has to be what YOU say it is, not what the media, or your neighbors, or even your friends say it is. We all have our preferences.

I guess the bottom line is, fun is subjective. We should stop caring what other people think of what we do, take a drive, eat some pancakes and crack open a book.

Or four.